Sir Humphrey burst into the office, with a large grin on his face and rubbing his hands together with glee. “Have you seen the front page, Minister?”
“Yes, sir Humphrey. Man tried to blow up a plane. Terrible business.”
“On the contrary, Minister. It is most excellent news.”
“‘Excellent news’, Sir Humphrey?”
“Indeed, Minister.”
“But isn’t it a terrible threat to the national security? All these people trying to blow us up. What if one of them succeeds?”
“Good heavens, no, Minister. Don’t you see? These people are idiots. They might have blown up some aeroplanes in the past, but now all their good people are dead. Our friends in the foreign office have seen to that. No, we only allow just enough of them to cause just enough trouble.”
“‘Enough trouble?’ I’m not sure I like the sound of that.”
“Well, Minister, do you remember those ‘full body scanners’ Sir Jeffrey is so keen to install in the airports?”
“The ones that the public hate so much? The ones that take pictures of people in the nude?”
“The very ones. Well, Sir Jeffrey has mentioned that if we can find a way to get the prime minister to give them the go ahead, it will be very beneficial for his department, and he might just be inclined to return a similar favour to us.”
“You don’t mean…? Ah. Hmm. Well. Sir Humphrey?”
“Yes, Minister?”
“I have an idea. This attempted bombing in America. The Americans must be very worried about it.”
“Indeed they are. And whatever is a problem for the Americans is a problem for us.”
“Quite. Quite. I think it might be time for a full review of airport security. How quickly do you think you can do that?”
“Well it just so happens, Minister, that I have in my hand a draft review of airport security already written up. I’ve added a paragraph about the full body… er, what I mean to say, Minister is that I’ve already updated it with the latest developments. It would only need some tidying up.”
“Excellent work, Sir Humphrey. I’ll call the Prime Minister, and you get that report ready!”
“Yes, Minister.”