Rob's Blog

I find shopping for toiletries an overwhelmingly draining experience. I’ve been known to go out to get shower gel and not return for several days. I can stare at an entire aisle of shampoo for hours, just looking for shampoo. Just your basic, ordinary, not-too-cheap, not-too-expensive, not-containing-any-wierd-ingredients shampoo. It’s nearly impossible. There’s too much choice!

Using the Tesco.com online shopping service, I did some research. Tesco carry 80 different types of shower gel and 94 (count ‘em) different shampoos. And that’s proper different varieties; I didn’t count the different sizes of bottle. For a start, there are too many brands. Shampoos called Advanced VO5, Alberto Balsam Herbal, Aussie, Clairol Daily Defense, Dove, Elvive, Fructis, Herbal Essences, Neutrogena, Organics, Original Source, Pantene, Scent-Idol, Sunsilk, Supersoft, T Pro-Vitamin, Tesco, Timotei and Ultra Swim all vie for shelf space.

Yet could it be that all this choice is a good thing? After all, whether you have blonde, coloured, curly, damaged, dry, fine, frizzy, greasy, lifeless, oily, permed, thin, tired, treated, unmanageable or wavy hair, you need to make sure you have the right shampoo for you. And you will be provided for, even if you have greasy roots but dry tips. Pity the poor soul who has “normal” hair, but even amongst this vast array of hair categories there is room for normal hair shampoo. (It seems to me that the marketeers have admitted defeat with normal shampoo. After all, all the slightly different varieties of normal could surely be sub-categorised further.)

Furthermore, no-one could doubt that it is important for shampoo to be clinically proven, dermatologically tested, extensively researched, pH neutral, protein enriched, salon tested and suitable for frequent use. Competition between brands ensures that these requirements are met. You can get shampoo that clarifies, energises, fortifies, hydrates, nourishes (from root to tip), nurtures, protects, refreshes, repairs, revitalises, strengthens, tames and volumises your hair.

You can choose from shampoo that boosts vitality; builds inner strength; dramatically increases body and fullness; enhances softness; enriches the vital substance; frees the scalp and hair of impurities in a wave of freshness; frees your mind and spirit (proving that there’s more to shampoo than just hair); improves manageability (by up to 87% – although how it is possible to measure something like “manageability” so accurately is beyond me); increases moisture retention (by up to 49%); infuses moisture; locks in colour and shine; neutralises dulling minerals in water; promotes healthy hair and scalp, a radiant shine, or silkiness and lustre; protects hair from drying out; reduces breakage from brushing; reduces frizz or dandruff; removes itchiness and irritation; restores the scalp’s natural balance (after all, once your scalp loses its natural balance your quality of life will be dramatically reduced); smooths all the way to the tip; tames annoying flyaways; targets areas of weakness; wakes you up; or works inside of the hair fibre. Few would argue that these options aren’t vital for the functioning of society.

There’s certainly no excuse for any of us not to have bouncy, clean, flowing, fresh, healthy looking,manageable, shiny, sleek, smooth, soft, supple, vibrant locks, despite the dangers of blow drying, the build-up that causes hair to droop, heat styling, pollution, repeated washing, heavy colour-dulling residue and the sun’s UV rays.

All this is thanks to the dedicated scientists at such institutions as Laborotoires Garnier in Paris, who have learned the cleansing, moisturising and replenishing properties of a staggeringly wide range of natural and synthetic ingredients. Ingredients such as active fruit concentrate; aloe vera; Australian hops, kangaroo paw flower and Queensland macadamia nut; balsam; ceramide R; chamomile; citrus CR; essential oils; extracts of jasmine, lime, mint, passion flower and tea-tree (which is renowned for its antiseptic properties); fructose; fruit acids; glucose; henna; jojoba; juniper; moisturising milk; nutrileum; nutri-ceramide; nutritive micro-oils; panthenol; regenium XY; rosemary; sea minerals; smoothing silk proteins; sunscreen; time release vitamins; UV damage protectors; vitamins A, B (3, 5 and 6) and E; Vitasilk; and ylang-ylang.

While all this choice is good, it can, as I said at the beginning of this article (remember?), be quite overwhelming. After all, once you know that you have tired hair and, having weighed up the alternatives, you want it to be energised, there’s still the question of whether you’d prefer it to smell like apple, camomile, coconut, lavendar, lemon, mango, orange, pear, pink grapefruit (personally, I prefer the smell of the yellow ones), strawberry or sun kissed raspberry.

Some would argue that there is a market failure happening here. No average consumer can possibly know what emollients are and whether they are good for your hair. How can one make an informed choice? Surely we need a new government agency – Ofhair – to analyse lustre, measure moisture retention, regulate vitamins, standardise hair types and inform us of the best shampoo. But really, there is no need. No-one really cares whether their shampoo moisturises or hydrates. It’s clear from the meaninglessness of the marketing drivel that people are meant simply to pick up the bottle of the shape and colour that appeals to them most, read nice things on the back about how wonderful the shampoo is, and wash their hair without thinking any more about it. As long as it doesn’t actually turn your hair pink or make it fall out, no-one will complain. And there’s no need for Ofhair to prevent that from happening: people will soon stop buying Joe’s Dodgy Shampoo when they learn that it makes your hair smell like wet dog, and Joe will be out of business in a jiffy.

Then there are plenty of magazines that will happily inform stupid, gullible people, through a series of annual awards, what the best shampoos are and why they need their hair protected from the dulling minerals in water, and these are in no way in collusion with the overpaid arts graduates who lied their way into marketing jobs at shampoo companies.

So don’t whinge over your dry, damaged hair; adopt the Aussie philosophy: “There’s more to life than hair, but it’s a good place to start.”

NEXT WEEK: Shower Gel. COMING SOON: Bar soaps; liquid soaps; bodywashes; bath foams and oils; childrens bath products; luxury bath products; conditioners; professional haircare products; hairspray; colourants and perms; styling mousse, sprays, gels, wax and cream; toothpaste; toothbrushes (including electric toothbrushes); mouthwash (including medicated mouthwash); denture care; other oral hygiene; feminine care; incontinence products; deoderant (aero pumps, sprays, roll-ons, and sticks); body sprays; razors and blades; electric razors; shaving foam, gel and oil; fragrances (ladies’ and mens’); and adult gift toiletries.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 30th, 2003 at 4:02 pm and is filed under Introspection. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.